FAQ - India

India holds a certain sense of mystery for the world outside its borders. Read on to find how curious foreigners are about India and its ways or rather read on to find out how dumb and ignorant they are about our beautiful country. This was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India.

The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who demonstrate tolerance and excellent sense of humor. Q :      Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it  rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A:      We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q :      Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA ) A:      Depends how much you've been drinking. Q:      I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden ) A:      Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water. Q:       Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)  A:      So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q:       Are there any ATMs  India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(UK) A:      What did your last slave die of? Q:       Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ?  ( USA ) A:      A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in  the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean  which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa .  Come naked. Q:       Which direction is North in India ? ( USA ) A:      Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q:       Can I bring cutlery into India ? (   UK ) A:      Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q:       Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France ) A:       Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it.  Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tues day  night in Goa , straight after the hippo races.  Come naked. Q:      Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK ) A:      You're a British politician, right? Q:     Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A:      No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q:    Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A:      Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.  All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make  good pets. Q:       Do you have perfume in India ? ( France ) A:      No, WE don't stink in India. Q:       I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ?  (USA)  A:      Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q:       Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? (France) A:      Only at Christmas. Q:       Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)  A:      Yes, but you will have to learn it first

Q:       Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy) 

A:      No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

A:      As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and night. 

Q:       Do you have Toilet paper? (USA) 

One Line Humor

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
      Dr: Get married.
      Man: Will it help?
      Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
     Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!